How To Cheat At Golf-And Get Away With It
Author: Michael Noer Michael Dugan
Unless you have a masochistic streak worthy of a DMV clerk, golf is, frankly, no fun. The game is so difficult to master that even professional players routinely fail to post par, so time-consuming that it takes the better part of a day to play–and its expensive, to boot. All in all, a questionable combination for something billing itself as a leisure activity.
Unsurprisingly, people are abandoning the game in droves. According to the National Golf Foundation, there are 26.1 million golfers in America, which may sound like a lot until you realize there were 30 million five years ago. Last year 3.6 million people took up golf but 4.6 million hung up their spikes. Over the coming decade the U.S. is expected to lose a net of 750 golf courses.
Statistics like that have goaded golfs traditional establishment into action. The PGA of America, which represents 27,000 teaching professionals, is spending millions to promote Golf 2.0–a sweeping strategic plan based on research by the Boston Consulting Group to reengage the countrys
90 million lapsed golfers (apparently defined as anyone who has ever seen a golf ball) and target potential new players, especially minorities and women. And, along with the United States Golf Association, it is working to remind weekend duffers that unless they hit the ball like Tiger Woods they should Tee It Forward and shorten the course to a difficulty level commensurate with their (lack of) skills.
Admirable initiatives, but they dont go far enough–not by a long, sliced shot. So rip up your USGA-issued copy of the Rules of Golf and consider a few ways to make the worlds least fun sport a little more entertaining. Yes, it involves cheating. But fess up: You already do that.
1. You are the problem. Its not your golf clubs or that lingering hangover that is causing all those double-bogeys. Its you. You are a terrible golfer. Its vital to accept this before you can start having fun. If you expect to score well, you are inevitably going to be disappointed. But take comfort in the fact that everyone else is terrible, too. Only 21% of golfers regularly shoot below 90, or 18 over par. The average score for men is 97.
2. Par is an impossible dream. Give it up. Of those golfers who register with the USGA for an official handicap (just one out of five players), a mere 0.7% can be considered scratch golfers, meaning they actually have a sporting chance of shooting par over 18 holes. You are not one of these superhumans. Instead try this psychological trick: Consider every hole on the course a par-5.
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